Whoa

I've lost it. No, not really, but today I realized that I need to stop and breathe. My to-do list is absurdly long in addition to the constant set of reminders in my head. With work cutting back this week (hrmph) I've felt like I needed to get a million and half things done. At once.

This is not good.

We all have days like this so I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I feel like since I've moved here my life is somewhat unsettled. There are many wonderful stable things in my life (my sweetie, Louie, finally having our own apartment, etc.) but for the most part so many things are left unfinished. I guess this mostly goes back to the never-ending battle of finding a job (one that uses my degree and makes me excited to get out of bed - not the retail I'm doing right now...). I am constantly struggling with trying not to let this seemingly never-ending search take over my life. But sometimes I let it stew that I just start to lose control. Nothing major happens, I just begin to feel off balance. Even Louie notices (he growls for no apparent reason at other dogs he knows already). Money is tight so I scramble for ways to make some, mostly through creativity. But then I start to lose track of the beauty of creating. So that gets off. My sweetie has been at work late most of the week which also adds to the strangeness.

As you can probably tell, I have a hard time stepping back. I need to remind myself that I'm OK.

I think I'm going to take a break from the list and read for a while. With some tea, curled up on the couch with Louie. Time for some deep breathing and mindfulness practicing too.

(Thank you for "listening." I'm sorry for the rambling, for the complaining - which definitely happens way more often than I'd like. Deep breath.)